"There is nothing wrong in feeling empty... Nothing new could ever emerge without first having an empty space... Long live the emptiness - it always means change, process, life!" These freely translated words are from a book that I'm currently reading, written by my favourite Finnish author and poet Aila Meriluoto.
Emptiness is something I'm dealing with at the moment. Some days I feel it stronger than the others, but it is there all the time: room for something new. I'm trying to find answers to some important questions, mostly related to work.
Before I can start working again, various doctors are going to take a look at my case and give their meaning on my possibilities (read: physical ability i.e. my vision) to work. My own eye doctor (or ophthalmologist as it officially should be said) naturally knows my situation the best, but there is a big question mark hanging over my dream of a career: nobody can forecast how the health of my eyes will develop.
Recently the condition of my eyes has been stable and my sight is rather good at the moment. Still, retinopathy cannot be cured and it is a very unpredictable disease. That is why I need to go trough several exams before even trying to start in a new job.
The process of re-integration to work has started but it will take a while before it is clear what and how much I can do. For myself it is absolutely clear that I want to work again. Even a thought of life without work feels horrible. Work is such an important part of one's life and identity, so much more than just a source of income. I need to be a part of a group!
I'm forced to spend a lot of time thinking what I would really want to do. And that's good, I'm learning to understand how much work really means to me. Although a 40-hour working week will probably never be possible for me again, I believe I'll find a meaningful position in working life, a place of my very own.
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