As the fox tells the Little Prince in the famous book of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, the most important things in life cannot be seen with eyes, but with heart. "The essential is invisible to the eyes."
I knew this story since the early school years, but was just entering the adulthood when I got the book as a present. Have to say it has been one of the best gifts ever, it is a fantastic story. What makes the book even dearer to me is the silencing fact that the giver died, totally unexpectedly, just a few weeks after giving me this present. For me it has become the last message from her. The many wise words from The Little Prince are excellent rules of life, and I'm grateful for the treasure.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
About Fear
Lately I have become scared of many things. Fear is probably the most terrible of all feelings.
Of course life is not only about my illness. In the middle of all this I also try to remember to put my problems in proportions. Still, I'm afraid of not being able to see little birds anymore, or an amazing starry sky in the night... Mostly I'm scared of not being able to work normally anymore.
I'm so afraid of becoming chronically sad.
Of course life is not only about my illness. In the middle of all this I also try to remember to put my problems in proportions. Still, I'm afraid of not being able to see little birds anymore, or an amazing starry sky in the night... Mostly I'm scared of not being able to work normally anymore.
I'm so afraid of becoming chronically sad.
The Power of Music
A friend of mine once said that the most important thing in life is music. I remember being surprised about her thought. I still don't share the opinion but I can understand it - life would be very boring without music.
When I was 14, I had an operation and had to stay in the hospital for a while. There are not many details I can remember about that visit but I know exactly which songs I was listening to while lieing there.
This time at the hospital my earphones filled my mind with old favourites Bo Kaspers Orkester, Don Johnson Big Band, Damn Seagulls. And there were more, much more. Thanks to Disco Ensemble, Anna Ternheim, Placebo and Kate Bush, Zero 7, Tori Amos and Foo Fighters, my stay was easier. Music can really be a source of happiness.
The surgery itself went fine. However, while the operation helped my eye in one aspect, it also damaged it in another. This risk was known all the time. Now, my eye is being treated to fix the injury caused by the cuts on the surface. So patience is still being required...
When I was 14, I had an operation and had to stay in the hospital for a while. There are not many details I can remember about that visit but I know exactly which songs I was listening to while lieing there.
This time at the hospital my earphones filled my mind with old favourites Bo Kaspers Orkester, Don Johnson Big Band, Damn Seagulls. And there were more, much more. Thanks to Disco Ensemble, Anna Ternheim, Placebo and Kate Bush, Zero 7, Tori Amos and Foo Fighters, my stay was easier. Music can really be a source of happiness.
The surgery itself went fine. However, while the operation helped my eye in one aspect, it also damaged it in another. This risk was known all the time. Now, my eye is being treated to fix the injury caused by the cuts on the surface. So patience is still being required...
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Ready: Action!
Tomorrow I will have the operation the doctors have been speaking about for months. Vitrectomy. Sure, my stomach is curling, but above all I'm happy that something will happen after waiting for such a long time. Finally!
Getting ready to go to the hospital. I'm well equipped with an audio book to listen (thanks to a dear friend) and music. Probably couldn't survive without great music: Kent, Mew... And The Radio Dept. of course, it makes me feel so light!
I'm ready. My mind in a quiet prayer.
Getting ready to go to the hospital. I'm well equipped with an audio book to listen (thanks to a dear friend) and music. Probably couldn't survive without great music: Kent, Mew... And The Radio Dept. of course, it makes me feel so light!
I'm ready. My mind in a quiet prayer.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
My New Year's Prayer
This prayer, adaptation of "The New Year" by Martha Snell Nicholson, touched me and it is applicable for me, very literally!
"Dear Lord, as this new year is born
I give it to Thy hand
Content to walk by faith what paths
I cannot understand.
Whatever coming days may bring
Of bitter loss, or gain
Or every crown of happiness
Should sorrow come, or pain.
I only ask, loose not my hand
Grip fast my soul, and be
My guiding light upon the path
Till, blind no more, I see!"
"Dear Lord, as this new year is born
I give it to Thy hand
Content to walk by faith what paths
I cannot understand.
Whatever coming days may bring
Of bitter loss, or gain
Or every crown of happiness
Should sorrow come, or pain.
I only ask, loose not my hand
Grip fast my soul, and be
My guiding light upon the path
Till, blind no more, I see!"
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A New Year Full of Hope
The happenings in 2008 which more or less have changed my life, are related to my health. Exactly one year ago I went to see a doctor because of chest pain. Nothing dramatic though, but I was diagnosed with diabetes. It was found by accident, I didn't have the common symptoms.
No reason for a big shock. I knew that I belong to the risk group and I have watched closely in my family how life with diabetes is. I don't really see it as very restricting illness.
The side effects, however, have been a lot worse than the original diagnosis. In the spring last year I had an eye-check, routine for all diabetics, and since then things have exploded. Without having noticed anything, my eyes had developed a very serious diabetic retinopathy, and despite of laser treatments and small operations I have for quite a large part lost my sight.
Hopefully this situation is just temporary. Of course today's medicine can do a lot. Next week I will have a surgery for the worse one of my eyes which has been for some time almost blind. I cherish the hope that it would then get better.
Probably the worst thing is to be unable to work. A while ago I had found my dream job, just started it, but could only work for less than a year before forced to take sickleave. Now I have been disabled for four months. I wish I will recover and be able to get back to work, even though the doctors cannot promise anything. I'm simply too young to sit at home, this is not what I have been studying for...
However, I have faith, a new year has just started, and I want to begin it full of hope!
No reason for a big shock. I knew that I belong to the risk group and I have watched closely in my family how life with diabetes is. I don't really see it as very restricting illness.
The side effects, however, have been a lot worse than the original diagnosis. In the spring last year I had an eye-check, routine for all diabetics, and since then things have exploded. Without having noticed anything, my eyes had developed a very serious diabetic retinopathy, and despite of laser treatments and small operations I have for quite a large part lost my sight.
Hopefully this situation is just temporary. Of course today's medicine can do a lot. Next week I will have a surgery for the worse one of my eyes which has been for some time almost blind. I cherish the hope that it would then get better.
Probably the worst thing is to be unable to work. A while ago I had found my dream job, just started it, but could only work for less than a year before forced to take sickleave. Now I have been disabled for four months. I wish I will recover and be able to get back to work, even though the doctors cannot promise anything. I'm simply too young to sit at home, this is not what I have been studying for...
However, I have faith, a new year has just started, and I want to begin it full of hope!
Friday, December 12, 2008
To get started...
There is something bubbling inside me and I need to write it down every now and then. Writing is a passion for me, it's probably the best way of expressing myself. Year 2008 has been quite a rough one for me, I have experienced some setbacks with my health, and I have started to wonder whether there are people struggling with similar problems as I am now. My wish is to reach people, interact, share experiences. That's why I'm starting this blog, to tell about my sweet and sour life.
PS. My blog will not be a case history of my illness, no! I'll write down my thoughts about all kinds of things, joys beside worries, life as a whole.
PS. My blog will not be a case history of my illness, no! I'll write down my thoughts about all kinds of things, joys beside worries, life as a whole.
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